Stress has a funny way of magnifying the bad and the good. Apply the stress of moving to your marriage relationship and the results can be. . . . interesting. I would describe our marriage relationship as “mostly healthy”. That’s not bad, right? You’ll have to ask Nathan’s opinion on the matter to see if he agrees. In our case, moving was a really good thing for our relationship. I think it can be for you too.
You get the chance to have a fresh start.
Moving gives a chance for a reboot in lots of areas. Your marriage is one of them. Sometimes moving gets you away from things that have been harmful for your marriage. A new location means a chance to rebuild what you really want and more easily cut out what you don’t.
Working together to overcome a challenge is great for a relationship.
Years ago, I remember Gary Smalley (relationship expert) saying that most bonding thing you can do as a family is to go camping. He said that camping gave the opportunity to work together, often under adverse circumstances (weather, bugs, confusion over how to set up a tent. . . ha-ha). This experience, he said, is good for relationships. When you work with someone to overcome something difficult it makes you closer.
Moving is like camping magnified by a million.
Peter Scazzero says, “You learn by failure; you don’t learn by success.” I think that applies to how relationships grow. We learn more and grow more when we have to face a challenge.
When you only have your spouse to rely on, you appreciate them more.
When you get away from all the built-in extra support you had from your previous home, you have the opportunity to rely on your spouse more.
Honestly, this is a mixed bag. You’ve probably noticed that about all of these points. If your marriage is struggling, it’s possible a move will compound that. In our case, I learned to appreciate my husband more than I had before. I didn’t have anyone else. I had God and the family that lived in this house with me.
Moving highlights areas that need work in a marriage relationship
Is this uncomfortable? Yes. Would most of us rather ignore these areas? Yes.
Maybe you moved and ended up in marriage counseling for the first time. Or again.
I am so sorry it’s been hard, but maybe it can become a better relationship than it was before. The issues were likely there all along, but there was no urgency to address them.
I was trying to think of the best way to wrap up this post and thought a prayer for marriages might be appropriate here:
Hi God, thank you for the gift of marriage. Please be with my friends who are feeling the stress of moving on their marriage. Bring them hope. Bring them wise helpers. Could you help them to come through this stronger and more healthy than before? Thank you that you are able to do bigger and more amazing things than we could ever ask. Amen.
Happy 13th Anniversary, Nathan. I’m so thankful for you!
I’m glad you’ve found the positives. We moved 8 years ago and as you’re talking about in today’s post, places have different cultures. Unfortunately, the culture here is that nobody ever wants to go out and do things. I’m already a stay at home mom and trying to find friends to go out with has always been a struggle. I’ve been given endless suggestions from my husband, family, and old friends, and I have tried them all. I’ve pretty much given up. Moving can leave you quite lonely. I hope it works out better for you than it has for me.
My spouse wants to move to new mexico l live ln mass we both do he wants me to follow him driving a box truck ls this being fair
Kris, I think that question is best answered by someone else.