Confessions Of My Awkward Attempt To Make Friends

Late August of 2009, our family started attending a new church. The church was (still is) full of the most wonderful people.

I, on the other hand, was an emotional basketcase. There is no way to paint a pretty picture.


I was sad, lonely and pathetic. Like a stray dog, but I wasn’t cute, just ridiculously needy.

Do you know what sad, lonely and pathetic introverts do when they join a new church? I don’t actually know, but I can tell you what I did: I signed up for things.

All the things.

After I signed up for all the things, I instantly regretted it and wondered if maybe I should just stay home. Fellow introverts, please tell me that I’m not the only one who, on their way to The Thing You Signed Up For And Now Regret, consider driving to someplace else entirely. For instance, the McDonald’s drive-thru for a soda seemed like a great option, but what would I tell my husband when he asked me how The Thing went?

The first Thing was a Bible study. It was a group made up of mostly older women. There was one woman my age there. I had done my homework (I’m a rule follower and always do the first week of homework– don’t ask me about the last week though) and was eager to contribute. I gave an answer to a question. I couldn’t even tell you what the question was or what I said exactly, but one of the sweet older ladies told me I was wrong.

That’s when I started to cry. I was mortified, not because she disagreed with my answer, but because I was having this irrational response. I was now the New Girl Who Cries At Bible Study When Someone Disagrees With Her. I couldn’t stop. The tears kept coming. Tissues were offered from all sides along with sympathetic glances. I opted for the refuge of the ladies room.

Not to be deterred (remember “stray dog”), I signed up for a new group for moms. I was certain it was exactly what I needed. Perhaps this would be the place I would find my new best friends. I was full of hope. Then the group leader called me and let me know I was the only person who had signed up.

That’s when I wondered if I would ever meet my tribe.

I know you’re wondering the same thing. You’ve shown up for the things when you would have rather stayed home. No one else showed or the wrong people did.

Or maybe you showed up, the right people were there and you did something else I often do. In your eagerness to get past the small talk, which is torture, you overshared.

A little over a week ago, I spent the weekend with strangers from the Hope*Writers community. I introduced myself and immediately started prattling about driving through the mountains, how terrifying it was and how I had a preteen who might be the end of me.

My brain said, “Stop talking,” but my mouth was all, “I really wanted to lose 10 lbs before this trip.” What in the world? You cannot take me anywhere.

I am a master at over-sharing. I had instant regret, but was greeted with friendly faces anyway. Later that evening, Emily Freeman said, “Some of you need to give kindness to yourself for things you’ve already said this weekend.” 100% of the room laughed. I was not the only one.

Back to that mom’s group with no members. You know what? I went anyway because the leader invited me to hang out with her. It wasn’t what I pictured. It ended up being even better. She became one of my closest friends at that church during the years we were there. She came with an offer of friendship and I took it. She was at least 10 years older than me. Her kids were starting college and mine hadn’t started elementary school. She was a farm girl and I was a city girl.

I get it. You’ve tried. You’ve said too much and don’t dare show your face. I wish you would show your face again. I need someone to take the edge off when I talk too much. Sometimes we miss out on the best gifts because they don’t come wrapped the way we had pictured.

Sometimes, the gift is that we’re saved from a friendship that would be unhealthy for us.

Sometimes the gift is we notice other awkward people who are out there trying to make connections.

When I thought about you today, I wrote this in my journal:

“Give me the clumsy, tripping, over-sharing, skeptical-but-trying-anyway mess over perfectly polished 7 days of the week.”

She’s 12 or 23 or 35 or 55. Awkward trying doesn’t have an age.

Paul says this in I Corinthians 1:27-31:

 “Take a good look, friends, at who you were when you got called into this life. I don’t see many of “the brightest and the best” among you, not many influential, not many from high-society families. Isn’t it obvious that God deliberately chose men and women that the culture overlooks and exploits and abuses, chose these “nobodies” to expose the hollow pretensions of the “somebodies”? That makes it quite clear that none of you can get by with blowing your own horn before God. Everything that we have—right thinking and right living, a clean slate and a fresh start—comes from God by way of Jesus Christ. That’s why we have the saying, “If you’re going to blow a horn, blow a trumpet for God.”

(Message translation, emphasis mine)

Apparently I’m not the only one who wants the clumsy, awkward girl at her table. She’s the exact person God is looking for too.





13 thoughts on “Confessions Of My Awkward Attempt To Make Friends

  1. Amy, I love this post!! All of us can relate in one way or another! I over-share all the time. I’m a detailed person, (it’s the accountant in me) so I’m always giving way too much information!

  2. I laughed out loud when I read the part about over sharing! I tend to get super annoying and jokey and if I get laugh I go into obnoxious over drive.

    I do have to tell you that when my oldest was in preschool that was this lady at pick up every day that I would pretty much think was a wack job. At pick up one time she went on and on to this pregnant woman that she absolutely had to have a natural birth to which I laughed about. She seemed like a crazy person. Fast forward to my oldest childs 5th grade field trip and I ended up on a bus with this same mom… Now we have lunch every few weeks, have gone to the movies and I LOVE hanging out with her! LOL Talk about a humbling life lesson. I was the wack job that wish I hadn’t of stood in judgement of her way back when. She’s super funny and she laughs at my jokes, which of course who doesn’t love that? One of my new years resolution or just a resolution in general is this year is to be more intentional about friendships. I’ve learned that friendships require work and are important for a women to have. Thanks for the post. I don’t know if I’m an introvert or not, but I think we all go out in the world deep down wishing that people would reach out to us, invite us to sit with them and make us feel welcome. I’m trying to remember that other people need that too and to BE that person who does it for others and not just expect everyone else to provide that for me.

    1. So many great, humbling lessons in learning to reach out to friends 🙂 YES– someone needs to go first!

  3. Oh my gosh, this post is everything. I feel like it’s super-important for so many reasons, there is so much in here that people need to hear.

    In my writing role and “professional” life, I’m always trying to encourage people to go out and seek connection and I’m even working with moms across the country to try to establish groups in their communities where moms can meet with one another and find connection- and NOBODY SHOWS UP, just like you experienced. But I think if more people were open and honest about the realities of the struggle like you are here, more people articulated the awkwardness and broken places as POINTS FOR CONNECTION, more people would feel comfortable showing up.

    When we don’t see anyone else struggling with stuff, we feel like WE ARE THE ONLY ONE and EVERYONE ELSE HAS IT ALL TOGETHER and so we are even more inclined not to show up.

    If more people did what you have done so authentically, gracefully, articulately, and hilariously here, more people would feel comfortable SHOWING UP. To church, to moms groups, to parties, to whatever. I am sharing this all of the places…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.