Let me start with the disclaimer that I understand that “dump” is a strong word and none of us are perfect friends. There are days that you and I would not make the cut as a “keeper” friend 🙂 So, read this with the idea that “dump” means that you would not go out of your way to accommodate these friends and there is always grace for bad days. And now, without further, ado, here is my list of friends who make the keeper list and those who do not!
Keep: The friend that doesn’t fan the crazy flames
Everyone needs a friend that they can be crazy and irrational with from time to time. It’s nice to have someone to talk to when you’re disappointed in something someone did or said. If you have a friend that can deal with the occasional wack-a-doodle melt down from you, that’s a gift! There is one catch though. If you end these conversations more crazy and irrational than when you started, it might be time to re-evaluate. If you’re frustrated with your husband and tell your friend and her feedback undermines the strength of your marriage, this isn’t a good place to vent your marriage woes. The friend that can listen, empathize and talk you off the ledge is the friend you want to keep. She goes in the “keeper” batch.
Dump: The friend that leaves you feeling less than
I’m going to give this friend the benefit of the doubt. She’s a wonderful person. However, at this stage in your life, if a coffee date with her leaves you feeling like you don’t live up to her standards of parenting, eating, dressing, and house decorating, don’t spend most of your time with this person. Honestly, the issue may be insecurity on your part. That is not your sweet friend’s fault 🙂 And “dump” may be too strong of a word here. The idea is to not put yourself in situations that make you feel like you don’t measure up.
Keep: The friend that knows how to disagree without making it a great big thing
We learn so much from people who have different opinions and choose to do things a little differently than we do. Don’t throw the baby with the bathwater if you make a great friend and then are dismayed to discover they don’t vote the same way you do. If this is a friend that can agree to disagree and is respectful, hang on to her! She’s a keeper. Your world will be bigger and better because of her.
Dump: The friend that only shows up when they want something
This is tricky for Jesus-loving women. I think, we can wisely discern between someone who is using us and someone who has a real need. I have seen people with the biggest needs be the most amazing blessing to their friends. She is a keeper. She can’t offer a lot physically, but what she offers is true and genuine. Hang on to her. On the other hand, there are people who don’t value your time or your boundaries. They take advantage of you. If you only hear from this friend when she wants a loan or she wants you to babysit for free every all of next week, don’t feel guilty saying, “No” if it will make you anxious or resentful.
And now I’m off to make sure I keep myself on the “keeper” list. I have some work to do.