On Figuring Out Friendships With Women

If I could tell my daughter anything right now that would help her later in life, it would be about the importance of finding, developing and being a good friend. She’s 9 and it seems that this is the year she is discovering that having friends in your life means you experience drama.

I wish I could guarantee a way to avoid the landmines that come with figuring out how to do friendships well. I’m afraid they are inevitable. The sooner she embraces this, the easier it will be for her to roll with the punches.

I have exactly one uncomplicated and easy relationship. It’s with my dog Max.

(image credit)

During my elementary and middle school years, there were many nights I laid on my bed crying to mom because of friendship woes. There is no other way to put this other than to say that friendships while you are in middle school through the end of high school are rough. There is no other time when you are quite as limited in friendship options.

Let me tell you one of the great things about being an adult. Did you know that at some point, the rules for who can and will be your friend get a lot more fluid and easy? Seriously! Some of your dear friends may end up being 10 years older or 10 years younger.  Having friends in different life stages is a gift.

I’m 39 and I’m just now coming up with my list of things I have learned about friendships with women:

• Having different opinions on things doesn’t disqualify someone from being a great friend.
• The more I enforce my own healthy boundaries, the easier my relationships with others will be.
• Limit your time with unhealthy people.
• Whenever possible, give grace.
• Until I learn healthy ways to deal with conflict, I’m going to relive the same issues over and over with my friends.
• You can’t force a friendship that isn’t meant to be.
• I need to spend more time being thankful for the relationships I have and less time feeling bad about the ones I don’t.
• You can’t expect any one particular friend to meet all your relationship needs.

What would you add to this list?