I’m not generally a fan of blog posts that capitalize on another’s crisis. I know that there will be many things discussed and posted about the news reports yesterday that a well-known conservative Christian committed horrible criminal acts when he was a teenager. This is not in question. There is a police report (though it’s 12 years old) and he has admitted to it.
I’m not going to discuss him though. The world doesn’t need another opinion on him or his family. I am going to tell you that it made me think about my own family- the safety of my own children.
What does a mom do with reports like this?
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Don’t assume your children are “safe”
It would be nice to guarantee the safety of our children simply by keeping them home or around their “nice, Christian friends”. It would be nice, but it’s simply not the case. In the criminal case we heard of yesterday, there was no nicer Christian family around. And it sounds like the criminal acts happened in their own home.
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Be Willing To Sacrifice Your Kids’ Innocence of Evil In the World For their Safety
Who wants to tell their sweet kids who still have baby teeth about people who touch other people in places that aren’t okay? Not me, but I did it anyway. They need to know what is okay and what isn’t okay. There are places on our bodies that are not ok for others to touch– anyone. The doctor may need to examine these areas, but beyond that, after kids are out of diapers or don’t need help with going to the bathroom, no one needs to see or touch them there.
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Tell Your Kids What Kind of Behavior is Inappropriate For them
This should be an age-appropriate discussion. The kind of conversation you have with your 4 year old is not going to be the same discussion you have with your 10 year old. I’m all for sheltering our kids from things that they don’t need exposure to, but what if one of my kids does something to a sibling or other child because they had no idea it was wrong? There comes a time when we need to tell our children what kind of snuggling and closeness is okay. The time comes sooner than you think.
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Don’t Be The Christian who diminishes criminal behavior to Protect Other Christians
What does this have to do with parenting? A lot. Our kids need to hear us denouncing criminal behavior as criminal and not simply another mistake. Brushing something under the rug in the name of “forgiveness” and “grace” does a disservice to victims. It sends a message that there are certain people that can get away with bad things because they invoke the name of Jesus.
That’s not okay.
Mary DeMuth wrote a fabulous article about the sort of pitfalls we may face as believers when it comes to abuse and how we respond to the victims. It’s worth the time to read it and consider it.
This is not a light and fluffy blog post. But it’s important. Take some time to talk with your children. You wont regret having this discussion. You might regret not having it.
Can I just say, thank you.
This is a topic that I am extremely passionate about because the unthinkable happened to us. Last Summer, my son was molested in the basement of our own home by an older child within the extended family. It crushed our hearts and tore our soul into pieces. I had never thought about teaching my young kids, all under the age of 4 at the time, about the inappropriate touch. The one bit of advice I tell to new and expecting mothers and fathers is to teach their children from the start about good touch bad touch, red flag, green flag touches. It has been a year of heartache, behavior backlash and sadness. The good news, it happened to my oldest child who at the time was 4 years old and I praise the Lord it was him because he had the words and the courage to tell us about it. If it would have been my younger two, they didn’t have many words at the time. Ever since, we have sat down with our kids and had to tell them about inappropriate touching. They are 5 months, 3 and 5 now and we bring up the topic on a regular basis, as hard as it is to talk with them, it needs to be done.
Thank you for spreading awareness. Thank you for getting the topic out there.
I am so, so sorry your son and your family experienced that. Praying for healing for all of you.