Maybe I Don’t Want Your Life After All

**I’m taking a break from my Letting Go series because I’m the boss of me.**

I used to read social media posts and wonder why my life wasn’t as exciting or full as everyone else’s. I was jealous of all the social activities and connections. I even wrote a post about it here.

I scoffed at friends who said they wanted to move out of the neighborhood filled with kids streaming in and out of each other’s doors.

What I wouldn’t give to have that! That’s what I said.

And then, somehow, after we moved to TN,  I got just that:

  • Next door neighbor kids come over, a lot
  • Our calendar is full of Bible Study, LifeGroups, teaching Sunday School, tutorial, coffee with friends and girls nights.

It occurred to me that perhaps the old song was right after all-

Don’t it always seem to go
That you don’t know what you’ve got
‘Til it’s gone
They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot

Do you want to know one of the reasons my calendar wasn’t full before?

I’m an introvert.

in.tro.vert.

My soul needs quiet to breathe and rejuvenate.

introvert-ecard

I want to hug my calendar when it have just the right balance of activities with friends and white space. Yesterday, I woke up wondering if I really wanted to go to meet up with my Moving On Bible study friends. (I know! It’s crazy that I would kind of want to stay in bed) But I went anyway and it was the best part of my day. I knew it would be worth it because the time would meaningful. I was right. After the morning with them, my heart felt full.

At my advanced age of 38, I think I’ve realized that it wasn’t the flurry of activity, things to do and huge number of friends to be with that I longed for. What I really wanted was a life where I had the option to be with my people or sit on my couch.

Not having the availability of close friends is more lonely than actually being alone.

2 thoughts on “Maybe I Don’t Want Your Life After All

  1. ” I think I’ve realized that it wasn’t the flurry of activity, things to do and huge number of friends to be with that I longed for. What I really wanted was a life where I had the option to be with my people or sit on my couch.

    Not having the availability of close friends is more lonely than actually being alone.”

    This post is hitting the nail on the head. This is exactly what I try and fail to articulate.

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